The Ideal

I'm back! As it turns out, I've found myself increasingly stressed and distracted and thinking thoughts that are not really appropriate for this blog for one reason or another (too selfish, depressing, or philosophical). This is due to a variety of factors and I do not want this blog to become a place where I go to complain, therefore my lengthy absence became necessary. The past few months I've been doing a lot of thinking about life- what I expected it to be like, what it is like, how it should be, and what my ideal life would look like now that I am an adult (obviously my ideals have changed since I was a kid).

When I was little, and even a teen, I think I expected things to pretty much go a certain way- I would get married quickly out of high school, probably do some sort of ministry thing with my spouse, have some adventures, have kids... I didn't think much beyond that. But as I got older, I found myself becoming discontent with these simple ideas and wanting more out of life. I had always had a deep desire for purpose and meaning, but I thought my 'calling' would just be revealed to me somehow if I just waited long enough. Growing up for me included a rather shocking realization that I wasn't going to be handed a set of clearly marked blueprints for the rest of my life the moment I turned 18. This, in turn, led to much confused soul-searching on my part about what on earth I was supposed to do. As a depressed, anxious, and frustrated teenager, I felt abandoned and misunderstood by the church and my friends, and I took to reading, walking or driving alone for miles and hours on end, looking for something I couldn't define. I flew to visit my grandparents in another state and wandered around my grandmother's property for days, just thinking.

To make a long story short, I found some good friends and some activities that gave me purpose in the meantime, such as getting involved in church ministry, working at a children's camp, working full time, swimming, and planning to attend a community college. But my discontent grew and I ended up moving to California to attend APU, which of course you most likely know already. College was a major transition for me as I adjusted to a more social lifestyle in a totally different culture, met new friends, learned how to study in a real classroom (I had never attended a school before in my life), and eventually started dating the guy who I would end up marrying. That stage in life passed all to quickly and here I am now, 2 1/2 years into marriage with a full time job and a night class, trying to hold onto my atrophying brain & body's potential.

SO- (wow, I did NOT mean for this to turn in to an autobiography, sorry!!!) all that to say, in this new stage of life where I am technically an adult but not quite sure how to be one, I am trying to figure out what my goal is while I'm hanging out here on earth. And what I've found is a clear, simple, and distinct need for balance and variety. Having been given freedom as a human being to make choices, I want to make choices that make the world a better place and help me to accomplish my full potential. I believe this includes taking good care of myself, learning, improving, having healthy relationships, and helping others.

So the main components I believe that are necessary for balance are (in no particular order): 1. Physical Fitness, which I would prefer to obtain through dance, yoga, running, exercise classes, walking, and natural activities that avoid things like ellipticals and treadmills- ugh. 2. Mental Growth/ Education, which I can get through attending school and/or independently studying things that interest me (like the Encyclopedia! :) 3. Work, which is necessary to avoid laziness and to sustain a living, and can be purposeful. 4. Rest- times of emotional, physical, spiritual and mental relaxation and renewal, such as meditation, sleep, prayer, reading, watching tv, etc. 5. Giving- helping others and making the world better through kindness in everyday life and special activities to help others, such as volunteering, giving financially, church activities, community involvement, etc. 6. Socialization- spending time with friends, mentors, family, and fostering healthy, trusting, and ongoing relationships. 7. Maintenance- just the basics, hygiene, eating, sleeping, running errands, paying bills, cleaning, all that good necessary stuff.

The problem is, in order to accomplish all of that on a daily basis, I need a lot of two things- Time and Money. I have messed around with making an ideal schedule, something like this:
6-8 Get ready
8am-12pm Work
12-1 Eat
1-4 Take two classes, one educational and one fitness related
4-6 Run errands/socialize/clean/whatever
6-8 Eat/rest/socialize
8-10 Study
10-6 Sleep


So, since you've had such amazing patience to read my nearly-eternal ramblings, I would really like to hear from you. Is it silly of me to dream of something as basic and selfish as a nice schedule? Does anyone else struggle with these things? What is your ideal life? How have your goals changed?