Coping Solutions

I posted recently about stress, and since then I have been trying to focus on ways to cope with stress. I have found some wonderful ideas that help me a lot. Here are a few things I have found that work for me:

- Pause in the moment, no matter where you are or how busy or stressed you are, and take your view and mind away from whatever you are focusing on. Look at the sky or the wall or down the hall, and let your mind 'let go' just for a moment. Take a breath and let your body release- be right there, in the moment, and allow yourself to see something peaceful or beautiful around you. Realize that you ARE, and you are OK, and you are allowed to take a break and breathe. Change your focus- remind yourself of something positive about yourself, your situation, the world, or that day. Re-center, and go back to your task with peace and clarity. You can do this anytime it's needed, as often as you want- it's wonderful!

- Exercise- yoga, running, whatever works for you. It boosts your immune system, lets you think, works stiff and stressed muscles, strengthens your heart, clears your mind, and helps your body rid harmful toxins.

- Stretch! Take 30 seconds to reach your arms up to the sky, down to your toes, side to side, roll your shoulders, arch/bend your back, and release all that muscle tension that you've been holding.

- Make a cup of hot tea/cocoa/coffee/etc. Hold it and feel the warmth; take a deep breath and smell it. Allow the warmth and smell to relax you. Do this every time before you sip; savor the warm sensation and taste.

- Find inspiration and comfort in your faith- read scripture, meditate, pray, etc.

- Spend time with a supportive group of friends or family who help you find your perspective and make you feel good about life

- Do something shallow and fun- let yourself be a child again, make yourself pretty, read a silly book/website, play a game, etc- it's ok to be shallow, sometimes the brain needs a break!

- Remember that the world will keep spinning if you take a break. Pause, take a day off, postpone an event, don't show up to something; incredible, life goes on! If you absolutely must do something that is essential (Prioritize! What will happen if you don't or if you wait, really?), try to make a plan to do it by a certain time or day, and then schedule some time to relax afterwards so you can have that to look forward to.

- Find joy in between- walking to the restroom, driving in the car, taking a shower- in these moments, you are alone and have no obligations other than to just BE. Enjoy these moments, take peace in these mini-breaks every day

- Write a note of encouragement to someone else who's struggling or in pain- it will help take your focus off yourself and really does make you feel better and stronger

- Escape- listen to your favorite music, get a favorite food, play a game on your phone for 5 minutes, go hide in the bathroom for a while, etc.

- Read inspirational quotes/books/devotions, etc to get some perspective on life and see how others have dealt with stressful times.

- Work to find practical  responses to what stresses you. Many 'stressors' can be serious things that are worth stressing about, like legitimate problems with health/money/family/etc. The internet is a great resource for looking up helpful information and potential solutions, and sometimes friends or family can offer good advice (But avoid people who stress you out more). Focus on finding the solution, rather than being miserable about the problem. Use your energy to fix the problem, instead of worrying and being dragged down by it. Find confidence- you CAN do this, you WILL make it through.

- Finish one task you've been working on, then celebrate your accomplishment!

- Have a peaceful ritual at least once per day. Bedtime is the best- get ready for bed 15-30 min. early, then take the time to sit, contemplate, process the day, write, read, etc.

- Get help if you need it! There is no shame in needing advice, counseling, even meds. Get medical/psychological help if necessary.

- Remember: the world will NOT end if you just stop for a few minutes or a day, or even longer. It's better to approach your life after you are strong, rested, and prepared to tackle the tough stuff, rather than avoiding a break until you are running on empty and doing everything in a less-than-ideal way. Example: If you are operating at 50% for 10 days (probably more like 25% as time passes without a break), you'll get the same amount done if you take 5 days off and then work at 100% for 5 days.

Those are my coping mechanisms... If you are looking for help managing stress, I hope I've provided some useful ideas. If you have other ideas or methods you use to cope, I'd love to hear them- please share in the comments! :)

Disaster?

I used to wonder why the thought of disasters excited me. Now, don't worry, I'm not some sort of psychopath or sadist- I get no pleasure from other's pain, and in fact I find it very difficult to endure the thought of so many people who suffer daily around the world. However, when I thought about a disaster happening, it would always bring some small sense of hope or excitement as I contemplated an unexpected break in the normal flow of life. I think I've finally realized why; disasters, even small ones, snap us out of our daily routine- they open our glazed over eyes and yank us out of our ruts, forcing us to look at things in a new way. Have you ever noticed that when something bad happens, people start to speak to each other again? Most of us go day to day barely talking to those we see around us, but when disaster strikes, suddenly everyone wants to communicate and help out. People start looking each other in the eyes, asking questions, coming alongside in solidarity with those who need it. Disasters break down social barriers, forcing us to see each other and acknowledge our shared humanity. We instinctively want to pool our resources and knowledge to help those affected, and we are brought together. It reminds us that we are all part of the same group- money, clothes, and politics aside, we are all human and vulnerable and need each other. Disaster can take us out of our sterile, busy lives and throw us into the dirty business of working together to solve a problem. I believe that this attitude of instinctive unity which arises out of necessity is what birthed some of the greatest changes in history. It doesn't have to be a sudden disaster- any situation in which normal protections are gone and survival becomes essential can bring about this attitude.

Disasters are still terrible things, but I am grateful that some good can come from our troubles, and that (despite some appearances to the contrary) we are still human beings who care for one another. Oliver Wendell Holmes said this:

       "If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it round. Trouble creates a capacity to handle    
         it. I don't embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say, meet it as a friend, for
         you'll see a lot of it and had better be on speaking terms with it."

Now, of course that applies differently to individual troubles than to massive disasters, but the point is that bad things are not all bad- they teach us something, about ourselves and about others. We learn that we have the capacity to be more and better and stronger, and more unified, than perhaps we ever knew.

Frantic (Stress Management)

It has suddenly dawned on me that my mind is in a nearly constant state of frantic stress, even when my body is at rest. This must stop, because it causes me to feel tense and tired all the time, is not beneficial to my health, and honestly probably does not actually increase my efficiency very much due to the increased mental strain. It also makes it more difficult to be loving or helpful to anyone else. Worry is not worth sacrificing well-being; I need to find a better coping mechanism. I think a good plan would be have a regular time-out, a peaceful time/place which will, over time, allow and teach my mind to be at ease. Hopefully this will lead to clearer thinking, increased health, and a better ability to be kind, productive, and peaceful. Solutions that come to mind include yoga, meditation, and some sort of outdoor activity such as hiking. The problem will be in the execution; the very mental activity which I seek to alleviate is what will attempt to stop me from relieving it. I always feel an obligation to be working, thinking, doing, worrying- it's almost obsessive, partnered with the guilt I feel when I pause. It's ironic, how I surround myself with things that remind me of this ideal yet seemingly unattainable lifestyle: calming photos of nature on every screen in my view, zen calendars, mediation books & quotes, etc etc., and yet every day slip deeper back into the clutches of stress. My waking peaceful moments are filled with worry, my dreams play out worst-case-scenarios, and I lay awake contemplating disturbing thoughts. Of course, things must be dealt with- work must be done, strategies considered, action taken. But the mind needs rest, and peace is an important part of work. Mental rest gives energy to the mind as sleep energizes the body, and restorative mental activities are like nutrition to a starving mind. Anyway, all that poetry-sounding stuff aside, I need to find a practical, do-able way to de-stress and center myself daily or weekly. Now, I just have to keep myself from stressing about how hard it might be to find a time/way to de-stress...it's a vicious cycle.

Why?

I don't understand why everything has to be so hard, so painful. So much suffering... when is it enough? Even when everything else is ok, the sharp pain in the depths of my heart won't let me forget that things will never be quite ok, and it's not going to end. The pain has no limit, no end in sight, for all of us. Everything we do, all the effort and heartache and struggle and fight- all it can do is make things just slightly better for a while, but nothing will ever be fixed. Every day the wounds are reopened, the pain refreshed, and our hearts reminded that the damage is permanent.

How could you do this to us, to those I love? I don't think I can ever forgive you...

My only hope is that maybe, someday, after everything is over and done, just maybe all the pain will be erased and the wounds healed and the years forgotten. Someday when it's all over...

Why?