We spend so much time trying to avoid pain- we are utterly obsessed with it! We have a very strong tendency to reject pain and evil, to avoid all types of suffering, to block it from our thoughts and fight with everything we are to not think about or feel it, to run and hide from any unpleasantness or horror or bad experience, and to surround ourselves with fun and comfort. We hope things will be better, pray for relief and peace, go into denial, stress ourselves out when we or those we love have to endure anything, and use a thousand other defenses against the hardness of life. But maybe this is like walking around begging the sun not to shine- are we wasting our time, frantically running from what always surrounds and saturates us? Life seems to consist of an incessant, omnipresent, and utterly mixed atmosphere of good and evil, pain and beauty, truth and lies. Nature is simultaneously gentle and harsh, people are wonderful and horrible, chance favors us about as often as it seems to attack us, and (for those with faith), God confuses as much as he comforts.
We desperately search for meaning in all of this pain and suffering, and those who believe in a God often think that he manipulates all forces to his will, and so we must be out of his favor when things go wrong, as humans have thought for thousands of years. Others believe we are pawns in a game much larger than ourselves, and that our suffering is simply collateral damage. Still others believe our sufferings to be part of a higher plan, and that we should trust that everything is for a reason, and that God ultimately has our best interests in mind. Regardless, even the Bible seems to indicate that God does not have-or does not practice- complete control over evil. For whatever reason, the devil was allowed to rebel, and the weeds were allowed to grow with the wheat, and God has not consistently (to my knowledge of history and scripture) made it a point to protect humans from all suffering. Religious or not, and whatever God’s reasons may or may not be, we are all faced with the inevitability of pain and suffering in our lifetimes
Our lives are utterly and intrinsically mixed, full of all things. Are our idealism and panicked attempts to shelter ourselves, perhaps, a bit childish? Would we find more peace if we simply accepted what has always been true- pain and evil are inevitable? Yes, human choice plays a role, and we can (and should) always try to be better people and push others to do the same (I am by no means saying that society should give up on critical quality-of-life improvements, justice, etc). But regarding our attitudes towards things we have no control over- the fear of pain, of death, wishing things would be perfect and trying to cushion ourselves from the realities of life- maybe this is just us, hiding our heads in the sand. Sometimes, life is NOT ok- and, just maybe, it’s ok to acknowledge that. We go around with big smiles on, telling others we’re fine, and idealizing (and idolizing) great and happy lives- all the while, often harboring bitterness or fear, because things are not perfect- never perfect. Maybe it would be more honest to accept our own suffering, rather than to dread and fear and stress about it. Life, at some point, becomes very ugly, messy, and broken- and no one on earth is excluded from it.
What would happen if we let go of the fear, frantic pleas for relief, avoidance and denial? Instead of praying for God to save us from any unpleasant experiences, what if we accepted these as the unavoidable ‘weeds’ in the parable of the sower (Matthew 13)? Perhaps we should pray for endurance, rather than relief. Could we become more honest and authentic people, with more sympathy for each other? Would we find ourselves stronger, fuller, and more resilient as we learn and come together and muddle through life with all of it’s thorns and shortfalls, rather than hiding in a shiny illusion of happiness? Perhaps a ‘raw’ soul is better than one hidden behind so many defenses and bulwarks. Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves or living in fear, could we live up to our full potential as humans- enduring and loving, suffering and dying, being fully alive in the midst of our horrible and beautiful lives? Would the truly wonderful and joyful moments become even more pure and lovely, because we could allow ourselves to acknowledge and accept the strange and stark contrasts between the pain and the beauty? Ultimately, maybe our attitude about suffering actually has more power than the suffering itself.
Note: This is not an accusation or a criticism of religion, people, or anything else; I speak for myself more than anyone else, as a desperately wishful thinker who hopes things never go wrong. I was wondering if there was an alternative to being either jaded and skeptical or naive and wishful, when this idea of acceptance suddenly struck me. I’m sure that many people more wise and knowledgeable than myself have considered this long before me, and have much more developed ideas on it. In fact, there are probably volumes dedicated to this line of thought in some or other philosophy, religion, or discipline, and I have merely stumbled upon the tip of a very old idea.
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