Random Confessions of an Overthinker

I am a skeptic. I doubt everything. I don't trust people. I'm afraid of the dark. I think angry thoughts too often. I judge people. I talk to myself. I used to try and know when I was dreaming, until I realized that I liked the dreamworld and I didn't want to know it was fake; now I treasure my moments in that alternate reality where I can be someone else. I am happy. I pretend to be stronger than I am; but I am strong. I like my life. My friends and family are the most important things in the world to me. I love my little brother more than anyone in the world. I hold on to offenses too long; when I get hurt, I remember.  I'm afraid of being hurt or betrayed again. Forgiveness is a difficult concept for me. I feel that doing the right thing isn't so hard and that more people should try harder at  it. I don't give to homeless people because I work for my money and they don't. When I see parents mistreating their children, it kills me and I want to yell at them. I wish manners and professionalism were still in style. I swear sometimes. I don't cry during movies, as a rule- but sometimes I get really choked up and try to hide it- because as cold as I try to feel sometimes, it really gets to me when I see someone crying. I'm lonely. I am determined to learn almost everything before I die so that I can understand how the world works and do something amazing. I miss my mom. I love it when the sky is bright blue and the trees look crisp and the world looks so real. Taking a walk makes me feel alive. I miss dancing (and choir) every single day. I wish I could afford to buy clothes and shoes more often than once a year, but I'm so glad I can pay my bills. I went to a shrink once but they just tried to label me and give me meds so I left and solved my own problems with common sense, which apparently they don't have. I want people to like me, at least a little. I think trees look like they are reaching for God, and it makes my achy inside sometimes when I see how far the sky is. Sand makes me feel alone. People fascinate and confuse me. Food is one of the best things in life. Certain smells make me remember things I forgot years ago. I've lied to preserve a friendship, and to hide my feelings, but I'm pretty honest otherwise. I wish someone understood me. I'm thankful for sleep every night, food every day, and deep, renewing breaths that help me find peace when I'm stressed.  And I write about myself too much!